I was trying to think of who would be next year’s captains- which are positions reserved for seniors on varsity right? And then I thought, wait who ARE our seniors next year? And after thinking for like 10 seconds, I realized that..
WE WERE THE SENIORS.
Yeah, I tend to get really excited over the thought of it. Yet, it still hasn’t set in that next year will be our last. That in exactly one year from now, we’ll all know where we’re heading. We’ll all be separating, and saying farewells to people we may never see again. We’ll have been through senior ball, caps and gowns, and the college admittance period. We’ll figure out what’s important to us, as well as who we want to remain a part of us no matter where we go. We’ll I’ll be in Cancun and Korea, and everything will be ready for me to finally depart from home…
Shoot. First I have to get through the application process. SIGHHH. Just to save my soul, I’m pretty sure I won’t tell the public where I’m applying to, as well as where I got accepted/rejected to/from. But the idea of leaving Monta Vista…
On another note- JACOB LUI’s VERSION IS RECORDED. But I can’t upload it unless given permission. But that’s ok, because I can still listen to it. hahaha NO WORK ALL WEEK!
eating cantaloupe, jerky, and wheat thins (I was too lazy to make an actual dinner tonight), I began reminiscing back to some of the happiest moments of my life. Believe it or not, those days were the ones I spent simply watching my brother play video games. Just us two. Whether it was Final Fantasy or Onimusha, Dynasty Warriors or Time Splitters, Christmas morning COD or even watching the never-ending naruto episodes.
Even though we fought hella back then and even though I rarely tell you this, I’d like you to know that I’m truly grateful for having you in my life. You’ll always be my inspiration and idol, even when your footsteps are too big to follow. Anyways, I wonder if you’ll ever read this- but if you do, please remember that I’LL ALWAYS be here for you, to support you, to listen to you, to praise you, to criticize you, to be your friend, to be your sister, and to be whatever else you might need.
HEHE. BENJI = “DUMB CHICKEN” (I hope mom told you the story already)
there's always gonna be someone who's "better" than you
and of course you’ll be envious of their achievements and of their qualities. But have you ever stopped to consider that there’s always gonna be someone who’s just as jealous.. but of you?
Stop comparing yourself to others, and focus on yourself. You’ll always be better than who you were before as long as you come to accept the person you are and the person you’ve became. Striving for perfection sets the road up for nothing but complete and disastrous disappointment, whereas striving for personal best can only lead to something bigger. It makes everything worthwhile.
Basically I was reading college confidential today, and all the posts and all the different forums just gave me a mixture of emotions. I felt hopeful, afraid, pessimistic, excited, but mostly, just flat out disappointed. Disappointed that the future of America rested in the hands of such narrow-minded, narcissistic, heartless, and selfish people. People who publicly looked down on others because their SAT scores weren’t as high. People who publicly announced that a person’s chance of attaining a certain dream was impossible. People who revolved all their life’s work so that they could be admitted into colleges with well-recognized names (noticed how I didn’t say best). I mean, sure you can get perfect scores, and perfect grades, but if reading just a SINGLE post written by you makes me not even want to associate with your kind, would you consider yourself successful? Go look for yourself if you’re curious.
Have you ever seen the show Wife Swap? Well I just thought it would be extremely amusing to watch the mom of an Asian family switch positions with a white mother (not being stereotypical or anything. If you know me well, you should know that I HATE stereotypes), But it’s true. It is and has been the ideals of these strict asian parents who have changed the face of this school, this town, this district. They moved here because they found the high academic rating of schools appealing. But did they consider the pressure that inevitably came with that? Did they consider if their kids would be happy?
Alright, I’m done speaking about this topic- if it’s a topic at all. Today my mom admitted to me that she regrets not considering other schools - that I would have been better of at Mitty. I love how she realizes this right before my senior year.
Basically. Stop comparing yourself to others, and live your life based off of realistic goals that you set by yourself (not expectations that are influenced by others). You’re better than that, but only if you choose to be.
i love tips. i love toys. i love the idea of sticking together through the toughest times. i love sharing tears and screams. i love dinners at 2 am. I love heart-to-hearts. & I FUCKING love kristen tatsuno.
i hate how you can be working your ass off 24/7, but will never be honored or appreciated by your own parents unless it involves studying. i mean really, what besides my grades do you even pay attention to? do you even know how much i’ve accomplished in the past few years? are you aware of how many goals i’ve fulfilled or how many failures i’ve encountered? how many people i’ve helped out or how many lives i’ve changed?
have you ever considered the hardships i’ve gone through? the struggles i had to overcome? the pressure, the sweat, the tears.. anything at all? were you there to comfort me?
oh wait, it doesn’t matter because my grades and scores suck. wait, let me rephrase that. they just don’t meet your expectations. and because they fall short, you make me feel like shit, when actually i should be rather proud because i did the best that i could.
those who care only about their grades i think are actually selfish. so you get into a good college, a good career, and soon enough, here comes the high salaries. but really, what have you learned along the way? what relationships, and i mean TRUE relationships (none of that fake-ass, take advantage of someone else business) have you made? do you do what you do because you actually care? or do you do it so that you can receive praise?
And just because our korean neighbors thought (and might still think) that you were Korean when you went over to them today and said anyoung - or the fact that you can understand and translate random Korean phases, know how to cook traditional Korean dishes, listen to Korean CDs that you burn yourself, correct me when I pronounce a Korean name/word wrong, or admire and follow a range of Korean celebrities… still doesn’t make you Korean. Oh yeah, and the fact that your name is pronounced ji-yoo and random people assume you’re Korean after first impression, STILL doesn’t make you any more Korean.
unless you’re not telling me something.
Your daughter who is now confused of her own ethnicity.
P.S. Just because my friends call you cute, and you tell them saranghae doesn’t change a thing. You’ll still not invited to our party.
I have a little story for you all. Nothing much, just your everyday story…
So, I woke up this morning (around 9ish or so) and felt a slight pain in my right ear. So I got up, and walked over to the mirror only to realize that my second piercing was in fact missing. First thought:
Damn, my hole closed up. Well all I have to do is find the stud, go through a little pain, and just poke it right back in.
But then I found out that the back rod & the backing was still sticking out from the back of the ear. Second thought:
Alright, the stud (the gem/front part of the earring) must have detached from the metal rod and now the metal rod was the only thing left.
So then I thought that all I had to do was pull out the metal rod from the back of the ear, clean the hole with cleansing solution, and then replace it with another earring. Easy, right?
WRONG. Well I barely even tug the metal when I experience a shot of pain like no other. So then I figured, this might be a more sophisticated process than I initially thought it would be -___-. Alright, so I grab another earring and slightly poke a hole in the front of the lobe (where the original hole was but was now covered by a new layer of skin) so that I can connect the two holes, so that more skin won’t close in… is this confusing you? Anyways, after sticking the earring in and a little blood was shed, I made contact with the metal rod. However, I didn’t feel what I thought I should… and after feeling around some more, I came to the unfortunate, and WTF conclusion that the earring was actually still intact and SOMEHOW embedded itself into the center of the lobe, and was now buried under layer(s) of skin. Basically, the earring was in my ear. FUCK.
So then I thought to myself, no pain, no gain right? I thought I could push it out myself and… well, let’s not get into anymore detail. After some 20 minutes of excruciating pain, I called my mom, and soon enough we were on our way to the hospital. I had no clue what they’d do- would they have to cut more skin? push it out for me? Anyway the thought of it made me dizzy, so I think I fell asleep or passed out. Either way I was out for a good half hour.
Well, after waiting for… I have no clue, but it was a long time, the doctor was finally able to seat us in a room. Some more time passed by until the procedure actually began. The doctor said, it was a very rare case, but nonetheless, has happened before, and like my prediction stated, the earring… well was in my ear. So I asked my mom to record everything so I could watch it later on, but I guess it was too much for her to actually watch -___-. Well the doctor started off by cleaning the area around the piercing… and dear lord, the pain was indescribable. Can I just remind you that my ear isn’t hollow, and that there was a hard piece of rock practically DIGGING into my tissue with every slight movement? Plus the earlobe is extremely sensitive and bleeds easily. Well afterward, she gave me two shots of local anesthetic… well I think it was two, might have been more…, anyways the ones I felt were behind and to the side of the ear. Then after letting the stingy medicine sit in for a while, I guess she just…pushed. I could feel a little movement, and even though I didn’t feel the sharp/tearing pain, I still felt a different kind of pain that hurt just as much. Weird, can’t explain. You have to go through it to actually understand…
So now, my ear is fat and hurts a little. I’m infection-prone, and I have to put packages of cold vegetables on my ear to reduce the size. But hey, my doctor said I was a trooper, and now I have another firsthand story to tell that no one else can. :) But still it makes you think… what the hell do I do in my sleep -___-
I guess that’s the end of my story. But it’s not too interesting, just your typical morning story, that’s all.
It’s funny how things turned out huh? When you were a little kid, and the world was perfect, you would have never imagined this. He’s changed, I’ve changed, and it’s sort of like we don’t know each other anymore. I mean he’s a great guy, but there’s no…bond. Do I deserve the award as the world’s worst daughter? Or is it only fair that I feel and act the way I do?
I guess it’s because of what I’ve gone through that when it comes to love I’m always the one to shield my heart. I just don’t want to be hurt again.