Before I was - but now I’m pretty sure that everyone knows how much I hate my life at MV. I don’t want to say I hate MV, but if I had the choice I would have transferred out when I had the chance. Freeman to me was a memory of what high school used to be - what I envisioned it to be. Seeing the compassion and happiness amongst my brother’s team even as a 5th grader, watching from the sidelines and hearing “Ron stories”… it made me so forward-looking to what I thought would be the best four years of my life. With him gone, I can’t help but think that that dream completely vanished as well.
Today was depressing, but more than that it made me become an angry person. The thoughts that flooded my head throughout the day were rather frightening… I just remember saying I hated everything and everyone.
Though I know these thoughts are only temporary - well at least the intensity of them - I can’t help but be reminded of how disappointed I was and still am of how things turned out. Yes, I know I’m in Leadership and I should be the student who just FREAKING LOVES MV and that I should keep a positive attitude to make the most of the time I have left…
But were the past, wasted 3 years and 5 months worth a somewhat decent 4 months?
Obviously it’s not MV’s or anyone’s fault - the blame belongs solely to my own decisions. Don’t take this post seriously, but writing helps me clear my mind especially as I have even more shit to go through outside of school. Life is not fair.
This morning Emily and I went to serve at a soup kitchen, and though we were late T_T I don’t regret it at all. The feeling of being to help others - without regards to club status, college applications, reputation, etc. - is a feeling I want to be able to relive for a very long time.
So every other Sunday Vuvu? ;) And when you get your license, you can drive me!
But thanks for an amazing weekend - thanks for the library dates, the hand holding, the verde sketch runs, for having witnessed my awkwardness at tino, for our random laugh attacks, rants about hating people, homemade pho, gender bets, bangbangs!, prayers, and future outings.